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The Galloping Geezer
Jack Downey ~ The Galloping Geezer

"Photo Credit to Julie Ann Biggs out on the Mekong River, Cambodia Vietnam Border."

Jack Downey Comments on Canadian Issues to Inform and Amuse.



An Old Alberta Geezer Gets Religion
Editor and Grizzled Griff the Geezer Geologist: ®




My last Will and Testament is hereby revoked. I did get to church, but late. As you can see, four bolts were fired bracketing me. One of the ranging rounds landed in the pew next to where I SHOULD have been, it burnt a Hare lip, Hair brained, and Gimlet eyed Midget with a wooden leg and a PhD to a crisp. Being Alberta country folk and never wasting anything, since she was toast, they slathered on some Saskatoon jam, sliced her into Petite Fours for after service Meet & Greet (or Moan & Groan if the Beadles† want more gold for the new church.) Grizzled Griff since a church is only used a few hours a week on Sundays and the odd funeral or marriage on off days...what is the matter with a big modern Pop tent?...The fresh air will keep the slackers awake and you don't have to sweep the confetti off the floor.

Modern Albertan Christians are wimps! Remember when they threw us to the lions in Rome, Griff? I was so proud of you reaching down those lion's throats, grabbing them by the tail and with a deft flick of your RCAF fighter pilot wrist turning them all inside out. Even that Fiddle playing, pyromaniac Stomping Tetanus Nero changed his tune about us old style pioneer Alberta Christians and granted amnesty. I still can hear the horrendous roar of the Edmonton Coliseum crowd when I think of those great pioneer times when nothing daunted us~ Long time passing?

I will never understand churches for collecting money for the so-called Heathens in the nether regions. The so-called ignorant savages know not the difference between coins and buttons...so I threw a handful of buttons in to the offering plate just to help the apostatizing on it's way for our ignorant, heathen brothers & sisters which you and I know so well, are not. When looked at askance by the Reverend Bruce, I explained of my experiences in India and on the Hindu Kush. As you know, I had done a long trick in Bangladesh where "the locals take all the coins and string them up as jewellery; they like us can't trust their Banks either".... buttons already have a hole in them, so every one wins. Plus if money is the root of all evil (Music The Grand Hotel)
<BGSOUND SRC="grand.mid">
then, with buttons, you stamp out evil and convert them in one sweep of the Missionary's oar. Just a little Calgary Geezer High-Tech and the so called Heathens just might beat a path in to our Alberta Christian Churches doors. There's always room for one more.

Since many Outlanders feed the Rat Goddess, the Red Deer Lake ranchers have milk to spare; it can be used to lever the so called Heathen with an easy way to their salvation. Whether gophers drink milk or not, I'm not sure, Lady Sask Flatlander should know.


- Music The Maple Leaf For Ever
<BGSOUND SRC="mapleaf.mid">




Griffino it was ever so close going to church, those lightning bolts were just a-banging around me while the Red Deer Lake United Church Choir sang. Padre Bruce's rendition of "Church in the Wildwood"
<BGSOUND SRC="Little_Brown_Church.mid">

If the Great Gunner Forward Observation Officer in the sky would have called down "Three Rounds Gun Fire!" he'd have had me for sure....Ergo If the Hare lip, Hair Brained, Gimlet eyed Midget with a PhD had had two wooden legs she would have been fully insulated and saved, but then there would have been no toast after service...You ask what happened to the Hare liped, Hair brained, Gimlet eyed Midget with a PhD's wooden leg?...those Alberta Ranchers whittled a bucketful of tooth picks out of it...many were used by the parishioners to remove Saskatoon berry seeds from their teeth after service...

....As they say in Alberta "waste not-want not"... Music Vive la Canadienne!
<BGSOUND SRC="vivecan.mid">

Jack Stories
† Main Entry: bea·dle
Pronunciation: 'bE-d&l
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English bedel messenger, from Old English bydel; akin to Old High German butil bailiff, Old English bEodan to command -- more at BID
Date: 1581
: a minor parish official whose duties include ushering and preserving order at services and sometimes civil functions. Music Teaming up the Cariboo Road

Alberta Descendent of Col. Lloyd, Royal Artillery Lloyd Battery. KIA @ Waterloo 1814. Lloyd's Battery is still on the Order of Battle RA Broob1.htm
Grizzled Griff the Geezer Geologist is the Canadian descendent of Major Lloyd.

© Jack C Downey CD Dec.2003 (Prayer for Children)

J C Downey Albertan since Moses walked across the Sea of Galilee in hip waders Fishing with the Hon. Premier Ralph Klein. <BGSOUND SRC="iceworms.mid"> (music a Surprise something you need to catch fish with.) Music O Canada Credits - Music from The Great Canadian Tune Book (click for hours of Canada's traditional music) NB. Words and Music on Hyper Links in this Tall Tale can be found at the aforementioned delightful family site.) Three Jacks and a Jill



© Jack C. Downey CD




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