Galloping Geezer
"Photo Credit to Julie Ann Biggs out on the Mekong River, Cambodia Vietnam Border."
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Jack Downey Comments on Canadian Issues to Inform and Amuse.
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It's a Dirty Job but somebody has to Do It!
I got married in the 1950's to a lovely lady and we set up 'Housekeeping' (please note the word 'we'). Up until 1980, my lovely wife worked and did the house keeping, because, to us, housekeeping, cooking, working, and raising two boys was 'Woman's work.' My 'Man's work' was to kill Buffalo and to teach the boys to be macho when the mood hit me. My secondary, self-appointed, duty was to be responsible for the TV remote Channel changer. All in all, I found marriage to be a pretty good way of cohabiting. My wife passed on several years ago and all her good works have assured her everlasting glory.
Sometime in the'60's a crack developed in the established system of who does what in a marriage, small at first, but ever widening through the 70's, 80's, and 90's, eventually becoming a small Canyon. The lack of a modern definition of Man's versus Woman's cohabitation roles is tearing our society asunder.
Many Canadian marriages are breaking down! Here are some statistics I found (from 1998, except where otherwise noted):
Marriages & Divorces:
- Total divorces granted: 69,088
- Rate per 1,000 population: 2.3
- Province with the lowest divorce rate: Northwest Territories. Rate per 1,000 population: 1.4
- Province with the highest divorce rate: Yukon. Rate per 1,000 population: 3.7
- Current number of divorced adults (1999): 1,417,136
- Average age at divorce: Males: 42, Females: 39.4
- Average age at marriage for divorced people: Males: 28.3, Females: 25.7
- Average duration of marriage: 13.7 years
- Percentage of marriages expected to end in divorce within 30 years in 1998: 36%
- Year of marriage with highest divorce rate: fifth
- Total number of single people in 1999: Males: 6,969,698 (46% of men)
Females: 6,063,348 (39% of women)
- Total number of married people in 1999: Males: 7,254,051 (48% of men)
Females: 7,281,830 (47% of women)
- Total number of divorced people in 1999: Males: 609,509 (4% of men)
Females: 807,627 (5% of women)
- Total number of widowed people in 1999: Males: 271,153 (2% of men)
Females: 1,235,078 (8% of women)
- Province where married couples are least likely to divorce: Newfoundland. Percentage expected to divorce within 30 years: 23%
- Province where married couples are most likely to divorce: Yukon. Percentage expected to divorce within 30 years: 55%
Children:
- Estimated number of dependent children involved in divorce: 36,252
- Total divorce cases involving custody order for dependent children: 21,448 (31% of divorces granted)
- Number of dependent children involved in custody orders in divorce cases: 37,851
- Percentage of custody orders in divorce cases in which the wife received custody: 60%
- Percentage of custody orders in divorce cases in which joint custody was awarded: 30%
- Total single-parent families in 1996: 1,137,510 (10% of families)
These statistics may give you the blind staggers! If you want to know your chance of staying married, by Province, in the USA or around the world,
see stats.
My wife and I did not divorce, although we both considered this option from time to time.
We decided to ride the Cohabiting Train to the end of the line.
Click here to find out why we
of the 50s didn't, then minimize to listen and read on. There were some who folded their
tents and left their spouses, and the numbers increased as time went on and Women's Liberation
said "You're better off to be alone, alone- than alone together."
None but a complete fool would deny that a married woman who worked got a bad shake of the dice.
Not only did she have little spare time at home due to her multiple duties of good wife and mother,
but she only received sixty cents on the dollar for doing the equivalent work a man did in the Rat
Race. These injustices are well documented on the Web click here.
The Non-Rat Racing Super Wife had resources that would guide her towards perfection.
Such resources (e.g. The Old Testament, Proverbs 31 vrs 10 to 30 incl.) are seldom found today.
31:10 Who can find a worthy woman? For her price is far above rubies.
31:11 The heart of her husband trusts in her. He shall have no lack of gain.
31:12 She does him good, and not harm, All the days of her life.
31:13 She seeks wool and flax, And works eagerly with her hands.
31:14 She is like the merchant ships. She brings her bread from afar.
31:15 She rises also while it is yet night, Gives food to her household, And portions for her servant girls.
31:16 She considers a field, and buys it. With the fruit of her hands, she plants a vineyard.
31:17 She girds her loins with strength, And makes her arms strong.
31:18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp doesn't go out by night.
31:19 She lays her hands to the distaff, And her hands hold the spindle.
31:20 She opens her arms to the poor; Yes, she extends her hands to the needy.
31:21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household; For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
31:22 She makes for herself carpets of tapestry. Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
31:23 Her husband is respected in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land.
31:24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And delivers sashes to the merchant.
31:25 Strength and dignity are her clothing. She laughs at the time to come.
31:26 She opens her mouth with wisdom. Faithful instruction is on her tongue.
31:27 She looks well to the ways of her household, And doesn't eat the bread of idleness.
31:28 Her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also praises her.
31:29 "Many women do noble things, But you excel them all."
31:30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain; But a woman who fears Yahweh, she shall be praised.
31:31 Give her of the fruit of her hands! Let her works praise her in the gates!
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In our day, the TV and magazines were full of advice for women, but had almost none for men. Boys took Shop. Girls learned how to be skilled Homemakers in school. It was unfair and I cannot make gravy without lumps to this day. So I stuck with my Buffalo hunting and the TV Channel changer and left the homemaking to my expert spouse.
All these rules were pretty well followed, or accepted, by both parties in the last century. Men really believed that their homes were their castles. Women KNEW they were not the Domestic Princesses, but rather Rapunzels with short hair. As the years went by and their hair grew many flew the coop.
When I retired, I still was not much help around the Castle. Three or four years later, my lady wife succumbed to cancer. I was left alone and had to fend for myself and the castle quickly became a shambles. I found that, by not dusting, I could write phone numbers down without
having to find pencil and paper. By rotating through the five bedrooms, one only had to clean and change the linen every fifth week. Adopting a woebegone look got me many a home cooked meal from my friends. Finally, I hired a neighbor as a weekly cleaning lady. She comes in on Thursday mornings and the house sparkles. I spend Wednesday afternoons picking up clothes, doing the week's worth of dishes, pots and pans, and utensils as I don't really want her to know I'm still a slob Buffalo Hunter. The sad part, is that I could have afforded a Cleaning lady for my lady wife when she was alive. I truly thought she liked being busy. Looking back, I now see my Castle as a Prison Tower, not with a contented Princess, but with one of the many Rapunzels desperately letting their hair grow. I don't blame them. Mine's getting pretty long and another marriage is an unlikely option at my age. Besides, who would want a worn out old Buffalo Hunter, fast turning into a half-baked "Mouse Potato."
© 11/19/2002-
Wednesday before Doriet the Cleaning Lady comes on Thursday
Music to clean by: click here
En Francais: click here
To underscore my point about relationships in days gone by, I offer this little story:
I was in the hospital ten or so years ago. There was a petite lady patient, very sick, but mobile. Her husband was a noted Professor at the Local University and came to see his ailing wife every evening. Often, during the day this dear lady would sit and chat with me in the solarium. One day, she gave me a gift of a little brass bell from the Tuck Shop, with these words "Jack, all my life I have been good at only one thing, dusting. I want you to have this little bell. When I go, if you see the clouds looking dusty, tinkle the bell and I'll dust them off for you and brighten your day." She became an Angel some time that night. Every time I ring that little brass bell, she never fails to brighten my day.
It seems then that the rules of cohabitation have not changed since the beginning of time. Life is not a Rose garden with out thorns or a bell without a clangor. To get through it together, without
too many scratches, be nice to each other any way you can. Share the walk in the garden with your Spouse. Ignore the weeds, they provide contrast, and, above all else, stop and smell the Roses of Life together and listen for the sound of a little brass bell. If you hear it, it will brighten your day and you'll see the silver lining created as my little friend dust the clouds for you too!
Here's something special from the old Buffalo Hunting days, just for you and your Spouse or Partner
© Jack C. Downey CD
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