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The Galloping Geezer

Jack Downey Comments on Canadian Issues

Jack Downey ~ The Galloping Geezer
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Water Water every where and Not a Drop to Drink!
A Preliminary report to www.canadianculture.com Sunday, July 29, 2001

I have just returned from a Water Conference hosted by Mr. Dennis Mills MP (L). All political parties were invited to send MP's to attend. There were also Senators, Scientists and a large number of Native Canadian Chiefs as well as a herd of Media. The venue was on the Mohawk Reserve in Ontario's Muskoka lake resort district. Why the Mohawk Reserve and why so many Chiefs? The Native Canadian is usually brought in at the end of a conference series so that the government can be said to have been inclusive and politically correct. Mr. Mills recognized this and, in his wisdom, decided to invite them to be first in the process in the THREE scheduled conferences that he will Chair. Further, the Canadian Native Reserves' water supplies are among the worst in the country, not that others across Canada are so much better, as Walkerton and North Battleford brought home with a thundering crash! These are only the tip of the iceberg. The discussion of possible solutions that took place will be the subject of future editorials. First, I need time to digest and research what I learned "Down East". Water pollution is frightening, both in Canada and worldwide, so I want my facts straight.


Enough doom and gloom! Things to improve the situation are taking place as you read. There was an excellent personal interaction as every one realized "we are all in this very, very serious Water Problem together."

Some of the most memorable discussion occured at the Picnic Table or in the Ceremonial Teepee, where a "second" Conference was convened on an ad hoc basis. It was our yarning, joking, coffee, smoking, and resting site. Here are a few out of context, but nevertheless very astute, observations made by the "second Conference" attendees.

White man giving, his thoughts at wrap up dinner: "Out West we have an expression, which I am sure you have here too. The expression is "Too many Chiefs and not enough Indians." As I look around, I see more Chiefs than I have seen in my whole life. Am I the only Indian and have to do all the work?"

Mohawk Chief: "Custer was the first white man to wear an Arrow Shirt out West."

Native observer from the Amazon River in South America: "I'd never commit suicide by jumping off a bridge in Canada, the water is too polluted!"

Fred, Native observer from CUPE: "I have a Bumper sticker that says NO I DIDN'T BUY THIS VAN WITH YOUR TAX MONEY."

Media lady: "The water is so hard in my town it's a pleasure to take a douche."

Over heard One MP talking to another MP about a third MP: "He's so stupid that if you say hello to him he's stumped for an answer."

White man to Chief Ovide Mercridi: "Chief, for three days now I've heard "Mercury in the water, Mercury in the water." Over and over it's "Mercury in the water." Chief Mercridi ,stay out of the water. Your polluting it!"

White man to Chief Strikes With A Gun: "Chief, the only way you can get even with the White Man is to hit him in the pocket book."

Mohawk Chief " (Applying to Reserve Water pollution): " What were the last words of General Custer to the 7th Cavalry at the Little Big Horn? LOOK AT ALL THOSE INDIANS AND ARE THEY EVER MAD AT US!"

Mohawk Chief to me: "We are not a TRIBE. Tribes are in Africa. We are a Band, Clan, or Nation.

Reported by someone rude: Bumper Sticker in Montana that reads "So you're a Canadian? Prove it! Show us your Beaver." Elder Mohawk lady: " Why would they want to see my old antique?" (She brought down the house.)

White man reports: story of young Blackfoot girl going into an Alberta restaurant and told "We don't serve Indians" and she replying "Good. I don't want an Indian. I want a Hamburger with every thing on it."

There were many more astute and scientific explanations made, but I have two favorites that I must share with you.

Many times when the Native Chiefs or Native Elders were going to speak they would start with " I do not have much EDUCATION..." After hearing this many times, a White Man with a Ph.D. said, " You may not have a lot of schooling, but you do have a great deal of EDUCATION. Education comes from living. I have a Ph.D., which out WEST means a Post Hole Digger. Education in life is worth more than my many, many years in school.

Finally we heard this story on MPs and Bureaucrats in Ottawa and how the Natives perceive them

The Minister of Indian Affairs wanted to sell a personal car with 250,000 miles on it. Having no luck, he complained to his Native female assistant. She told the Minister ,"No one will buy a car with 250,000 miles on it! I have a friend. Take it to him on the Reserve and he'll turn back the odometer (mile counter). Sir, it is against the law, so be careful." Off the Minister went to the Reserve and had the odometer backed up. Several weeks later, the Native lady asked the Minister, "How come you are still driving that old car? Why haven't you sold it?" The Minister of Indian Affairs replied " Why should I, its only got 15, 000 miles on it!"

But the greatest of all was from a Cree woman suckling her baby, to us all: "Women are the keepers and carriers of the water. We even carry the children in water before birth. How dare you poison our water!"


Signed; the Galloping Geezer
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