Newfie June - Caught Red-Handed

If I ever worry about running out of childhood stories to fill my Newfie June articles, I just go for a glass of wine at my neighbour's house. I won't mention names (this time) as I have previously embarrassed her (in fun.) However, this dear soul makes me laugh, and her latest exploit was a Newfie June story just waiting to be written.

This particular neighbour, we'll call her Annie, is a BIT obsessive compulsive. She is a "cleaner" and her home is spotless, tidy and her garage…well, her garage is fit to be envied by all.

As it was spring, the cleaning bug bit harder than usual. Annie decided that it was time to clean the garage…properly. It wasn't dirty to start with, you see. It was actually cleaner than most house porches, but to Annie, it was a mess waiting for her to rescue it.

She took the car and then the truck over to the carwash and washed and polished them until they shone. She then swept and vacuumed the garage and took the soapy water to it. She mopped, scrubbed and hosed it all out. It looked great! After the cement floor dried, she drove the clean cars back in and took to vacuuming out the inside of her vehicles. They were show-room spotless when she was finished. Annie was proud of a day's work well done.

The next day, she got out into her car to go to work. She had stuffed a couple of loose mints into her sweater pocket to nibble on throughout the day. As she was driving along, she decided she would pop one in her mouth now, so she reached for the pocket but a mint fell out and went down the side of the seat against the console. She decided that at the next red light, she would put down her hand and fish out the mint, however, as luck would have it, she didn't get another red light all the way to work. Annie had been running late that morning and once she got outside the downtown building where she worked, she could not find a parking place to save her life. She finally pulled in to a reserved stall, designated for one of the supervisors at her place of work , who would not come on duty until noon. Annie decided she would come out on her lunch break and move her car. No one would be the wiser; but she had better move before the supervisor came to work. Her wrath had been experienced before when someone took her stall!

The mint was still on the car floor and was bugging her…it was like the call of the siren to the sailors of old. That darn candy, on her clean car floor, was not going to be tolerated! But it would have to wait until noon time as she was running too late to worry about it now.

Annie asked for first lunch break and headed to the parking lot. She climbed into the car but before anything else, she was determined to get that candy. Annie is left handed and so she reached her left hand across the seat and jammed her hand down as far as it would go, to try to reach the offending mint. The edge of the car seat was metal and the console side was very hard plastic… nothing would give! She had her hand down as far as she could but could still not feel the candy anywhere. So, she pushed just that little bit more and… her hand got stuck!

Oh oh! She tried to wiggle her fingers, she tried to pull back, she tried to move sideways, but that hand was going no where. Annie's neck was cramping due to the extremely contorted position she had got herself into. You can imagine, with your left hand stretched across your body and stuck way down over the side edge of the seat; she could not have been exactly feeling comfortable. Worse than that, she was now worried the super would come to work to find that, not only was her parking spot taken, but Annie still in the offending car and unable to move. Annie started sweating ( as she was stuck in a car with the windows up, the car not running and sun pouring in the window) so she hoped that maybe her palms would also sweat and that might make them slippery and solve her dilemma. The more she tugged at her hand, though, the more she could feel her fingers swell. Finally she decided that if she were to give one big tug… it would hurt…but hopefully just for a minute. What choice did she have? She couldn't stay there any longer. So, Annie gave a tug and felt the tears, both the ones on her knuckles and the ones in her eyes, but her hand did come free. Now, she was worried she might get blood from her fingers onto the clean car, so before she could move the vehicle, she had to find a tissue to wrap the knuckles up. Finally, she moved her car, went back to work (hungry, I might add, as she had used up all of her lunch time fighting with the car seat). To make matters worse; that drat mint was still elusive.

Annie got home that night and told her husband the story of the errant mint. He could hardly keep from convulsing with mirth. As expected, he did the guy thing and said, "I'll go get it for you, dear." Of course Annie knew better. His hands were bigger than hers and there was no way he would be able to maneuver it out of there.

Annie was in the bathroom a bit later when her husband knocked and rolled the mint under the door to her. She was livid! "That's not the same mint," she accused. "Yes it is" He replied, "I just moved the driver's seat forward as far as it would go and there it was." Don't you just hate it when they are right and smug to boot!

Cheers,

© Newfie June




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