Growing up Canadian While Living Abroad by Geraldine Mac Donald-Moran

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Bi-cultural Parenting- Part Two Languages, food customs, religious beliefs and celebrations, dress codes; family relations, manners and the importance of social skills: These are just a few of the topics that concern bi-cultural parents in our ever-changing, global civilization today.

In Bi-cultural Parenting-Part One, we briefly mentioned the above, as areas for conflict potential between individuals with dissimilar backgrounds in their plight to foster agreeable parenting atmospheres that promote harmony in the home environment: An environment that permits their children to reap a wide variety of benefits from both parenting cultures. Let's take a closer look at some of these issues.

Language learning begins at a very young age indeed. Some experts suggest that peri-natal sounds, such as a parent's voice, can later be recognized by newborns. Babies will listen to the sounds around them and can recognize voices. As young infants begin to imitate the sounds in their environments, what they are really doing is making their first attempts at recognizing language and learning to communicate. Rich experiences with language can enable children to learn communication skills at very early ages, allowing them to progress with literacy skills as well. The complex build-up of experiences, exposure to stimuli, and vocabulary in any language, offers children the gift of communication: and when presented in a dual language environment, the ability to master both languages exists beautifully. Children, who are exposed at early ages to dual language learning, experience a broader vision of their culture as well as those foreign. They often demonstrate increased capacity for creative thought, problem resolution, reasoning, and the capacity to respect other civilizations. The languages learned, help strengthen their capacity to compete in an increasingly global market and are beneficial for their future and the present. Parents love to hear their children express themselves in both Native languages; as one of the many varied ways to protect, preserve or promote culture and engage in their valued traditions.

'Bathe' your child in both Native languages as an opportunity that should not be wasted.

Culinary or food customs, and the associations to family and culture, are profound in most civilizations and are deeply ingrained in individuals; since, they represent part of the basic socialization process that teaches individual children, daily, who they are and how they belong to their particular societies and cultures. Food is an excellent way to express culture! So, by learning to appreciate and enjoy the food customs that stem from your partners culture, you are truly accepting all of the enriching associations that are coupled with food and eating, not to mention the family and social relationships that frequently go hand-in-hand. Your children will be stimulated to try new and different things rather than the same foods over again. At times, there can be conflict between what you were raised to eat, and what your partner enjoys eating; how, when and where they enjoy eating it, and with whom they share the moment. If you have important dietary restrictions, limitations, beliefs or necessities, that your partner does not share; your expectations about such habits should be discussed and/or compromised, prior to raising children (Vegetarianism, kosher food preparation, etc., might be examples of such nutritional restriction or necessity).

Children who are raised in bi-cultural homes are stimulated with a multitude of new and exciting smells, visual sensations, taste experiences in flavours, and customs that go along with their culinary education. It's a sense-sational experience to share culinary customs at your family table.

Parents can foster this important, everyday stimulation by enjoying their ethnic foods and amplifying the family's criteria to the foods of other nations as well. Involve your children in the kitchen and share time spent in food preparation, as a way to sustain your customs and encourage a deeper understanding of your particular culture, making it theirs in the process.

Religious differences between cultures and individuals can be a potential source for disagreement but when compromised, in a loving manner, can be more than inspirational to the lucky children who will learn two-fold about Religion, spirituality, tolerance, and the profound depths of faith.

Honesty, sharing and communicating are the key factors to success in amalgamating two sets of beliefs and the values that naturally extend beyond, and encompass, parental choice of Religion. Enriching your children's lives, by teaching them about both ideologies, may recompense them with ample criteria and open-mindedness in accepting their own beliefs and the beliefs of others, as adults.

The Religious celebrations that you sustain in your family life now, will be the focal point of family gatherings in the future too. Your children will form opinions, habits, traditions and customs, based on the way in which you celebrate festivities at home. Whether it's Christmas or Hanukkah, cooperation will make the moments enriching, enlightening, positive and enjoyable for all. Every kind of celebration is enlightening and educational.

All the same, there are some minor details in raising children 'according to one's cultural background' that can easily go unnoticed until the children are present and accounted for. What if you were raised in a culture that dictates gender-related dress codes but currently live and raise your children in your partner's society where the same codes do not exist or are seen poorly? What if your partner is uncomfortable with or perceives your ways as being impractical and harmful to the child's wellbeing?

In most societies today, dress codes are relatively tolerant and forgiving but still there are places where, albeit subtle, certain standards must be met.

Does your partner insist that girls wear dresses? Do you feel that your boys must always wear their hairstyle short and well combed? Do you have expectations with regards to the way your children will dress for parties, Sunday outings, and play at home or in the presence of company? If so, talk about them before you become parents and avoid arguments later.

There is no doubt that culture is made unique by the multitude of factors that are both created and encouraged by the collective group engaging in the ways of life in question.

Perhaps, each parent feels most comfortable and 'at home' when surrounded by their familiar society (with all its traditions and values, customs and beliefs) because each was socialized according to the rules of their particular culture.

This socialization process is one that teaches and allows individuals to perform and behave according to what is considered right or wrong, good or bad, and normal or abnormal as defined by the culture in which they were raised. If you need your daughter to cover up, or your son to wear a tie, analyze the reasons why and whether or not they apply to your life today and the life you want for your children tomorrow; within the context of the society in which you all live.

Stay-tuned for Part-three: Practical Tips for Raising Bi-cultural Children.
Gerry Mac Donald: BScN, RN, Medical Translator, Freelance Writer, English Curriculum Coordinator and Library Director.

© Geraldine Mac Donald-Moran


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