Visit Canadian Culture  






The Galloping Geezer

Jack Downey Comments on Canadian Issues

Jack Downey ~ The Galloping Geezer
Photo by Julie Ann Biggs



Communications Then and and Now

'Hello Central give me Heaven, because I know my Mother's there.'
(Hillbilly song of the late '40s)


Canadian telephone communications in the late forties and early fifties were pretty simple and austere. Telephones were not in every home and were no frills, black, rotary dial phones. Phone numbers were basic, as they were based on a town district's name and four digits such as Broadway 4523. You then put your finger in a hole and spun a dial through BR 4523 and either it was busy, was answered, or not answered and then you knew no one was home. You got no options to press more numbers, or have some inane voice message to tell you to leave a message. If you required Information, had Trouble or wanted Long Distance, you dialed '0' and one of a bevy of young ladies who were 'Telephone Operators' came on and said "HELLO CENTRAL." Again, there were no buttons to push, no windy adverts apologizing for the delay, or optional choices interspersed with unimaginative music. You were talking to an intelligent, highly professional human being who took pride in her occupation and was always cheerful and bright. She put you through to your distant caller and stayed on the line until the party you wished to speak to picked up the phone. She then said, "this is Long Distance calling." At the receiving end there was shock, as long distance calls were generally made regarding grave family problems. If it was Brother Bud calling with good news the whole family jammed their head around the speaker end to glory in this magic moment. Bud's call would be the center of conversation for two or three days. The family would tell every one they knew that our Bud had phoned "LONG DISTANCE" and it was just like he was in the next room!


If you lived in Canada's vast rural areas, things were even simpler and had a broader communication base because of what was known (and still exists in some remote areas) as the Party Line. One line was strung and each farm along its way was jumpered into the common line. The town Central operator would receive the call from the Long Distance Operator and patch on to the party line and ring two short, one long, one short ring to alert Brother Bud's family to pick up the phone. It also brought all the other farm folk to the alert position as it rang in their homes too. Their ring might be two long and one short etc. Unless there was a visitor who could not be trusted, like Rev. Jones or the School marm present, all the other Party Line patrons very quietly picked up the phone, covered the mouthpiece with a towel and eaves-dropped on the call. Other Party Line members registered little or no surprise if the family who got the Long Distance call was late for church on Sunday over Bud's LONG DISTANCE contact or the fact that he was getting a promotion and his wife was pregnant. The early Party Line arrivals had already spread the news.

Mother will never forgive Father for making us late for church and she had missed her chance to tell her Quilting party ladies the news of HER Long Distance call first!

Satellite or Communication Towers did none of this. We had telephone poles with eight or more glass insulators on their arms, which held these humming copper wire telephone lines in place. You may have seen these glass insulators at a Yard Sale as people collected them. I am surprised to see that any still exist. Young boys found them delicious targets for round rocks flung out of a Slingshot. If you could get your hooks into some ball bearings you could shatter them to smithereens time after time. Later when you got your own .22 rifle you knocked off a few, but soon gave up blasting them into shards. They became a much too easy target for us young Canadian sharp shooters.

Telephone insulators are no longer targets, now WE ARE THE TELEPHONE'S TARGET! This very day, while resting after a bachelors lunch (a jam sandwich i.e. two pieces of bread jammed together with something else jammed in the middle) my phone rang. I answered with a "Hello" and was greeted with a fax squeal. 15 minutes later it rag again, with the same squeal. Four times this happened, before I realized that if it was allowed to go to my Voice mail, that stupid fax machine would think it was talking to another fax machine and send the fax. The dolt sending the fax will think it was received at the proper location and I would be able to nap in peace. I hope it was a reservation for the long weekend at a posh sold out hotel and he, wife and family would have to sleep in their car on arrival. Serves them right for disturbing my nap with their damned fax reservation!

You've all been targeted by some fool who telephones during dinner and who wants you to vote for him/her, wants to paint your house, wants clean your rugs or wants you to try a new brand of feline deodorant. A pox on all telephone solicitors!

In some parts of the country, they want to add (editors note: They already have in B.C.) more numbers to the front end of the seven numbers that are at the upper end of my memory's capacity. Maybe our phone number should be our SIN number or maybe, at birth, we should be given a personal number that is used for Telephone, e-mail, bank, air miles, medical, credit cards, car license, etc. I could handle that. Anyone using a wrong number, for whatever reason, has to pay all the bills accrued by the real number's birth person. Note that the number owns the person, not the other way around. It works in every army in the world!

I had a problem with my phone and cable line last week. I phoned Telephone 'Trouble' and went on hold for ten minutes because all the service representatives were busy. At the Cable HQ it was a 20-minute hold. When I finally got a human, they booked me for repair three days later as my problem was "potentially dangerous". Good Lord! To call making me wait three days, with a "potentially dangerous" situation, "service", is enough to stretch my Sister Peg's girdle to the bursting point. I later waited another ten minutes to speak to a supervisor, as the comedian who thought I could wait three days for a disaster to strike my kith and kin told me she was busy. In no uncertain terms, I ordered the comedian to UN- BUSY her. I finally got the supervisor and we resolved my problem. Apparently, it was not I who was in danger, but rather the Phone and Cable Company, as my "problem" could take out the communications of a whole sector. I explained to both supervisors how to alleviate these long waits, i.e. have an e-mail coordinate and an On Line form that I can fill out; a form designed by them with all they need to know and a space for my problem to be described. They both thought it a great idea and will pass it on to the CEO. Both are in the Internet Service and Telecommunications Industry and no one had yet thought of a "No Wait" e-mail customer service system… Dah…!!

Cell phones, Remote phones, TV phones, Radiophones, and Conference phones are not for me. I have five Phones, one Fax, a High Speed PC line, and Cable TV in my home. If that's not enough phones for Brother Bud to contact me on, he can use a Fracophone or "dictaphone"!

I await only one more advance in communication and that is "A-mail" it is like e-mail, but to the Angels in the big "Central PBX" up in heaven. I want to contact my Mother. She's got a PC, I'm sure. I think her coordinates are WWW. heaven@angels/mother.com and tell her I'm coming soon and to have one of her pumpkin pies in the freezer. So the new Hillbilly song will be "Hello Central give me heaven, because I bet my Mother's on the Net."

I'm a shoo-in to heaven for that pumpkin pie, if G-d forgives little boys using sling shots for breaking telephone glass insulators, but with my luck G-d is probably a shareholder in Telus or Ma Bell.

Must go, there's the phone!



Jack C. Downey CD
Send comments to: Jack






Thanks for your help
best regards
www.CanadianCulture.com



Get Involved!
Your Ideas are Important!

Content is contributed by various Canadians and does not necessarily reflect the views of canadianculture.com.





 
 


Print this pageSend to a friend


Jack's Previous Issues

click here

• -

- - - - - - - - Home |
Resources | Daily Comics | Horoscopes | News | - -  | Contact US |



Views or opinions found on, or linked to from, the www.canadianculture.com web pages
do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Canadian Culture and staff at Sun Coast Designs.

The Merchants, classifieds and/or advertisements listed on Canadian Culture's website operate independently from Canadian Culture,
and Canadian Culture does not endorse any merchant, classified or advertisement or assume responsibility for transactions conducted with them.


PC Drummer - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Canadian Culture Copyright © 1997 - 2019 All rights reserved.
See our ( Disclaimer & Privacy Policy )
Developed by Sun Coast Designs