May be I Do ~ Maybe I Don't

This world of ours seems to be changing, but in reality it is not. Words and methods of association with others are different than past generations yet the results work out in favor of a stable society when all the changes are said and done.

The very basics of all cultures are the family units. The "Breeding Pair" are the continuum of the family and clan. A formal agreement is needed as once a child is conceived there is an obligation to care for mother and the developing embryo until birth. A human birth is different from other mammals, as the child, after birth needs support, education and training to thirteen years or so before reaching relative independence. To ensure this protection of the child a pre-conception contract has been developed in most societies.

Each tribe or clan has developed a unique ceremonial system to ensure that their newborn have the best possible chance at survival. The female and male that conceived the child together are protected from other males and females within the clan by a formal ceremony that declares them "married", or one, and off limits. Their families form a bonded community that accepts each other as KIN. Friends also interact in the protection by giving gifts and assurances of support for the new family. The clan Government or a religious Shaman legalizes the union and formal public vows are taken. This is a very complex relationship and not to be taken lightly. Inheritance rules are not the only one thing now at stake, inter family business and other in family marriages may take place.

Each religion has developed special bonding rituals as governments developed and the horrid Taxman got a place on the Clan council. Special tax exemptions that are protective support programs were put in place to ensure that youth care and education could succeed. The Christian marriage ceremony is the one I am most familiar with. The marriage vow that makes the most sense, but appears contrary to the Tribal Rites is the one about "Forsaking All Others." Let us follow a recent wedding configuration and see how the Clan, families and friends show their support to the breeding pair. Gifts are given, a Clan/family feast takes place and the Shaman says, "you are now one breeding pair and forsake all others you must."

Here is some recent history. Young man meets young woman, dating takes place and develops into a "solid relationship", with out the Shaman waving his/her magic wand. Some three or four years pass and the couple know in their hearts that they wish to have some kind of formal Clan, Tribal,family and friend recognition as they have decided to have children. They decide together to have all the basics that government blokes require to legalize a permanent Clan union.

They rent a hall deep in the forest on a lake. The invitations go out to family and friends. A great feast is prepared, new dresses and hairdos are put together. All the bridesmaids are beauties but all attention is on the Bride. The Groom has several groomsmen; all looking like confused penguins in their formal attire. It matters not, all attention is on the bride and the groom is almost superfluous and is in a blue funk anyway.

Rather then have a religious ceremony with all the trappings and unnecessary costs of that Shaman they decide to do a Civil Ceremony. Every one gathers at the hall and awaits the Bride's arrival. She, in all her glory, is escorted by a close relative to the side of the groom. The civil Shaman, called a Commissioner of Marriage, asks " who gives this Bride in matrimony"; the relative says, "I do" and departs. The Shaman now concentrates on obtaining mutual agreement on the marriage of Bride and Groom. This is not a simple yes or no situation. Considerable flowery statements are made and eventually the Groom places a ring on the Bride's left hand, after both have sworn fidelity with the words "I do". The Shaman now requires written documents to be witnessed and signed and the deed is done.

You would think that, after all this effort, the Bride and Groom would just go forth and multiply. Oh no! Great speeches are now made. Bride and Groom become all teary eyed. Women seem to cry for reasons that no man can understand. Men are jocular and everyone toasts and wishes the couple a good life. Even the weeping ladies are blessed. Now the feast is served and copious bottles of wine and mountains of food are consumed. Is this part of the ritual to provide energy in the marriage bed? Is it to encourage others who are married to exercise their conjugal rights too and increase the clan population? Does it start other young people on their way to the marriage bed? All that is known for sure is that attending marriages is a strong breeding encouragement to women. So far, it sounds pretty much like weddings in my day. My generation had a religious Shaman rather then a civil Shaman and the vows took place in a church. The feast was held later in a different location from the church. But this is 2001 and each century is a modification of the last one it seems.

During the aforementioned ceremony, a great hailstorm came down as soon as the " I do's" were said. The Bride's maid, sister of the Bride, declared that it was their deceased father's confetti from heaven. Whether this was so or not, it was a nice touch. Bottles of wine or $100.00 bills would have impressed the guests much more though I would think.

After the start of the feast, the Bride and Groom danced and were joined by their parents. Ever so charming, to say the least. Then the band switched beat and all the men sat down and up jumped about 50 girls and women onto the dance floor in a wild flailing, foot stamping primeval dance. They stamped their feet, wiggled their behinds, waved their hands, and kiyied blood curdling screams. The Bride was circled, chain danced around by these wild woman who had the very windows rattling in their sashes. Mothers and aunts, a 16-year-old niece, all drummed their heels on the floor. They were wild eyed and foaming at the mouth. It seemed to me that this dance was the celebration of the captivity of a man in an age when few men want a formal relationship. Is this the way the women in 2001 are telling society "this man is off limits?" Is it a deadly warning to the Groom never to forget his vows? After seeing that bridal dance no man should even think of straying from his bride. All these ladies looked like female Clint Eastwoods on the prowl to me! The dance ended just before 9.5 was reached on the Richter scale and the fillings fell out of the Grooms chattering teeth. The marriage message was sent and all the Macho men were cowed, plus the non married ones had to be dragged out from under the table where they had been sniveling in fear. When any of the ladies needed a drink or wanted to dance after this show of femininity, these chaps jumped to it! For sure, of all the days in our lives the marriage day is a WOMAN'S DAY and a smart man accepts that rule if he wants to keep his scalp.

We started off on "Forsaking All Others." We have had a warning from the Civil Shaman, all the Clan and dancing ladies. What does it really mean? Here are seven truths of civilization handed down to Grasshopper by that great Chinese sage Bok Choy and his lovely concubine Par So Lee being a great breeding pair in their own Wok.

• The family, being the primary unit of the Clan, must go on to perpetuate the Clan
• Infants born to the pair require long term love and support by the Clan.
• Vows taken and kept show honor and integrity within the Clan and to all other Clans.
• Life without a partner is very lonesome and does not perpetuate the Clan.
• Life without children is barren for the pair and a waste of Clan resources.
• A Clan without strong family rules is not a Clan. It is a rabble.
• A community of Clans that does not support its families is doomed to eventual chaos.

The real reason that YOU MUST FORESAKE ALL OTHERS is that the "Breeding Pair" is the very basis of human civilization and no person or thing can take precedence over it. If parents, children or friends cause turmoil in the husband ~ wife relationship, they must be driven away. If they wish to return with out causing stress or turmoil, they may, but it must be on the couple's terms. The Breeding Pair are more important than even the Clan itself. Every thing and every one, including the Clan, interfering in the marriage of a man and woman must be driven off or the couple must depart. Thousands of years of human history have shown us that the mutual love of a man and woman comes before all else. All the other steps leading to civilization start with this basic premise.

In those thousands of years we have had different formal way of "Tying the Knot". If it takes the women of 2001 to get up barring their fangs and stamping their feet in a primitive bridal dance, they have more than convinced me that "Forsaking All Others" is the way to a happy, long married life!

Jack C. Downey CD
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