A Birds Eye View of Thanksgiving

Long ago, before the white man arrived, one of the wiliest birds in North America was the WILD TURKEY. We could fly, and roamed every where from the Atlantic to the Rocky Mountains. The Natives hunting us with Bows and Arrows were hard pressed to get one of us to cook over their campfire. We each had "Beard" of feathers hanging from our chest. The successful hunter attached this feather beard piece to his Coup stick to show his prowess. Every part of us was used; feathers as decoration, bones for whistles, feet, red neck and comb for a vitamin rich-healing broth.

Once the Pilgrims and other settlers with guns arrived, we were in serious trouble. It was then the natives got guns and we became sitting turkeys to these long-range killers of my kin. The White Face came after us with a vengeance. We were large and tasty and stored more fat, a much needed dietary item, than most other wild animals and birds.

The "turkey killers" declared an after harvest feast day called Thanksgiving and we Turkeys were invited to be the centerpiece. It was not Thanksgiving to us! These settlers were so diligent in giving thanks that they hunted us to near extinction. The women, who found some of our eggs, hatched them to preserve our lineage and we became domesticated. Then our feather breast beard was bred off. We became so fat that we could no longer fly and anyone with an ax gave us the heebie jeebies! As we did not lay eggs on a daily basis, we were only a few on each farm. From early spring till autumn we lived the life of Reilly. When the crop came in and the frost was on the pumpkin, the smart turkeys would put their affairs in order. Those human Yahoos were about ready to give thanks, but we turkeys were not! Soon towns grew up and the farmers neutered us, and then did we ever grow fat and lazy. Strangely enough, although the town folks never grew crops to give thanks for, they wanted centerpieces for their tables too, and we turkeys were elected by acclamation.

Word spread worldwide about us and we became THE Fall and Winter feast birds. Even in the country of Turkey where we are called "The American Bird" we were not safe. We are not popular in the Far East or other hot, poor areas because we are just too big to be devoured at one family meal. Without refrigeration, the left overs cannot be preserved. In Austral Pacific and South Africa we are the feast birds of choice to give thanks with too. The Ostrich and EMU must be "thankless birds." There are Penguins and Canada geese galore, but Oh no! We are the Thank You Bird of almost all of mankind.

I plead for mercy for my kith and kin. Think how we feel. You hunted us to near extinction, you neutered us, you gorged us to a huge size, and then you back-bred us to our previous wild state, with beard for hunting purposes. You keep us crammed in to huge Turkey Batteries and then execute us so that you can give thanks. "Well THANKS A LOT!"

But, there is a short reprieve for some lucky turkeys. They are kept alive until the Christmas - New Year Feast days. Have you ever thought how paranoid a turkey gets between Thanksgiving and Christmas? Before Free Trade that was a fairly decent reprieve but now we face Canadian Thanksgiving in October, USA Thanksgiving in November and Christmas in December. We turkeys give thanks that Passover and the Ramadan thanksgiving feasts do not have TURKEY on their MENUs when they offer up their thanks. The one saving grace with the Christmas feast day is you also kill a tree to give thanks! So we do not die alone, but even that is changing with plastic trees. We eagerly await the development of plastic turkey.

We who are about to die salute you, as we know you will suffer for at least a month due to our demise. You will have roast turkey, reheated turkey, turkey sandwiches; turkey a la king, hashed turkey and turkey soup clear through to Valentines Day when chocolates are the thanks used to celebrate love. If there is any way of giving a Turkey to symbolize love on Valentines Day the turkey farmers will think it up!

When a human is considered a fool or idiot, he/she is called a TURKEY. Do you have a group that chops off these turkey's heads, stuffs and roast them up for thanksgiving? After all a turkey by any other name is still a turkey! Just think of the service you could do the world by roasting Peter or Diane to offer up as your thanks for a good year at the office. One less turkey in the office will cause every one else to give thanks; and it could catch on. Just think of a "Butterball Boss Turkey" on a platter, what a Thanksgiving feast that would be!

On our "Turkey Thanksgiving Day" we give thanks to Vegetarians! To all you Vegetarians have a happy THANKSGIVING FEAST! PLEASE "go forth and multiply!"

To the rest of you turkeys take your family to MacDonalds and have a CHICKEN McNugget and large fries, it's on special for Thanksgiving.

For a safe Thanksgiving

• Turkey is rated as the top meat for nutrition that you can eat pound for pound.
• Butterball turkey is a brand name and is injected with vegetable oil not butter.
• Read and follow the directions for thawing very carefully.
• Use a meat thermometer to ensure that the bird is fully cooked including the dressing.
• All battery-raised birds are machine eviscerated. Wash the cavity thoroughly.
• Dark meat is where the most fat is.

Martha Stewart's kitchen says ~ Excess turkey drippings can be used to replace chicken stock in sauces, just use one quarter less.

Pilgrims New World Medical Journal

Cold turkey fat helps grow hair on baldpates. Massage in scalp with great vigor prior to bedtime. Your cat lying on your head will leave hair on your pate and vola! You're hirsute again. Now you town folk have a crop to be thankful for.

Indian lore =Coup Stick = Stick with honors items attached that acted like a personal diary or story book.

Jack C. Downey CD
Send comments to: Jack

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